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:icondulcetblossom: More from dulcetblossom


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Submitted on
February 4, 2004
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vacant plates and empty stomachs sneer
Through their glossy shine, just having been licked clean
By everything you’ve ever said

Cores strike like drums when they are sincere.
Times your ribs can beat my brains out… so maybe
I shouldn’t lay so close when hearts and
hearts strike together, to make puzzle
the head that stayed so well.
It used to be safe to sit on my glass chest,
that keeps the papers of yesterday.  
They still read the same, just invite a different sense to stay.
Like showing embryonic love in letters (lost in box.);
It’s the one drop that stains blue lines and ink
for every hundred that sit and burn my cheeks.
But the dust kids don’t recognize when the shower turns on,
just that while in the tub… they are wet

The salt in their eyes scald them more
In their shallow tummies, then their blind
Glass balls could ever stomach
one of the most emotional poems i've written in a long time...i hope you all find something in it.
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:iconhoodimann:
Hoodimann Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2004
Aside from the adoration I have for this, I also have a question. Please, help me with this. Why are you so inconsistent with the punctuation and the capitalization? In much of the poem you have end stops, paused, yet at the alpha, and again at the omega, you deviate from clarity. Why? I ask, so that I may understand.
Reading much of eecumings lately has shown a deep and in some cases really odd reason for doing so, but it's always there.
Why did you start off with fragments, and then go to an incomplete, absent of end stop sentence?
That's my question.

Even so. I love this poem. Smashingly well done. Vividly written. Stunning imagery. I'm glad I've read it. I'm a better poet for it. All your works seem to have an invigorating effect upon me. Yay! :hug:
:heart:

:headbang:

Your capable mind has brought forth an interesting piece. Kudos. Go reward your mind again, lo, even these months later.
Take care.
Reply
:icondulcetblossom:
dulcetblossom Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2004
well, i suppose punctuation all has to do with how you read it. Now that i look through there are mistakes with it, which i apologize for, im not really brilliant, i just make a lot of mistakes. But, all that said, the things i meant, were all about speed and absorption. Thank you thank you, I’m glad you liked it.
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:iconhoodimann:
Hoodimann Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2004
Indeed. I can see what you mean, as far as lack of a cohesive start and end. You let the poem seep onto the page. Hmm.

Interesting. :cake:

I also appreciate the fact that you've commented on my poems...it always means this much to me: *stretches arms out to the max*.

Thanks. :heart:
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:iconandeverythingafter:
AndEverythingAfter Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2004
"But the dust kids don’t recognize when the shower turns on,
just that while in the tub… they are wet."


this is very emotional.
Reply
:icondulcetblossom:
dulcetblossom Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2004
only you love (until i die, that is), will know what i mean by that, after we have our long talks over these very poems. excited? :heart:
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:iconvesiculae:
Vesiculae Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2004
We have a winner.
Reply
:icondulcetblossom:
dulcetblossom Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2004
thanks for the fav friend. :heart:
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:iconkolaboy:
kolaboy Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2004  Professional Traditional Artist
Beautiful expressive piece . thanks so much for sharing it,m'dear =)
Reply
:icondulcetblossom:
dulcetblossom Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2004
oh my...thank you so much for the comment, and the favorite. it means much from you.
Reply
:iconmurdertramp:
murdertramp Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2004
yes yes yes, wonderful word choice in this one. for some reason it never showed up in my messages... silly deviantart. but now that i'm here: you have a beautiful way with the words, the form is structured and you seem to have a good handle on form, but the emotion grows beyond the standar lines. and like i said, embyronic, licked, words like this make the whle thing sparkle. the only contructive comment i can give is for the line "just having been licked clean". tis a bit overfilled word-wise. reading it outloud, it doesn't really work. i don't know if the number of words there is intentional, but it would flow a little better i think if it were simpler, like, "licked clean" or "newly licked clean" just a though. and now that i've written an entire paragraph...
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